There appears to be a consensus among the (Western) astrological community that if you are looking for the holy-grail of mind-body-soul connection in a relationship that one should look no further than Sun conjunct Moon in synastry. We’re led to believe that herein lies the ultimate reciprocity between two people – a deep understanding and connection that can sustain a close relationship for a lifetime. One person’s ego identity is mirrored by their partner’s emotional identity, providing a soft-landing and comfort for each person as they work through the other complexities of relating. I support this understanding of the contact, but I do not think it is the contact par excellence in a romantic synastry reading. I think this is fantastic in friendships, close work colleagues, and perhaps, first loves and those relationships we have in youth when we are trying to get our sea legs. It is important to know what it FEELS like to be understood by another, to see your perspective and pursuit of your goals reflected in another, to feel safe and profoundly connected as we grow into adulthood and progress to more serious, long term relationships.
It is in a serious, LTR that I feel this contact can be considerably more challenging than we give it credit. Adverse transit aspects to the Sun or Moon of either partner will affect them BOTH simultaneously. And if there is anything a healthy couple can attest to, it is that when one partner is struggling, the other needs to be prepared and capable to take the wheel and steady the ship for them both. Job loss, death of loved ones, financial hardship, physical hardships, and any other number of life stressors can all be plainly seen through transit activity. If a relationship is most reliant on this conjunction of major luminaries and it is hit by, say a Saturn square, then you are both going to be suffering a great deal of hardship and not be able to carry the other partner when they need you. The inner planet conjunctions can be worked with, outlets found, escape routes with a sextile here or a trine transit there, but the Sun and Moon in our charts are the very essence of who we are, and any transits to these lights can change our very being. That’s a tough transition to have while in any relationship, but especially difficult when you are both experiencing it at the same time.
So what is preferable? Trines and sextiles between these planets would be my first preference. You get the ease of relating, sense of common perspective of the world, but also a not so close that you run the risk of boring one another with sameness. The aforementioned adverse transits would be much easier to bear when they aren’t hitting you both in the same aspect at the same time. One of you will still have a hand free to steer the ship.